I feel great! About two weeks ago I started doing ab workouts. Some of you may think, "But why? You are so skinny! Why would you ever think you have a pooch?" Well, I do have a pooch. It's right there between my abdomen and my secret spots and I don't like it at all. When you are used to having the flattest and strongest tummy in the neighborhood, any little bit of flub is abhorrent; truly grotesque and absolutely out of place- the paunch must go! If you were used to being like a telephone pole, and then realized you looked more like a phone booth in the middle- all weirdly sticking out of place, you'd be offended too.
Two weeks ago I got completely fed up and got off my ass to change this parasitic growth in my mid-section. When I get out of bed, I do 25 crunches and then 10 leg lifts, every other day I do 25 crunches, 10 leg-lifts, then another 25 crunches, another 10 leg lifts and finish it all of with- yep, 25 more crunches. That's 95 thingies.
I am inching my way to a flatter belly and it feels goooooood, and painful. But it is gooooooood pain, it's all that flubby foreign blubber melting away. I was so sore this morning, but then I took a long bath with epsom salts and now I am Wonder Woman and I can take on the entire world! All of you, come get it, I'm on FIRE!
In other news, I am very productive. Because I need some medical work, but have no job or money I have been cutting through red tape with the ferocity of a wolverine in heat. Snip! Snap! Watch the Red Tape of government funding flitter away like so many ribbons in the wind- it's a beautiful sight.
I have also gotten thoroughly sick of not having a job... Straight up ill. I have been patient, I have felt oh so sorry for myself and let my friends coddle me against my better judgement. "Oh! The economy is so hard! It's a rough market out there! It's not your fault!" LIARS!
It is completely my fault. 100% my fault for letting all this bullshit economy get to me and allowing myself to wallow in freakish self-pity for an entire winter (I do have to admit that the winter blues are very real to my desert-sunshine soul). BOO on me! Boo! Three Years Ago Me would not have let such a piddly thing as a rock-bottom economy get in my way.
I shove my middle finger in the face of adversity... Fuck you adversity! You're my bitch! I will not take no for an answer, I am applying for every job with a vengeance! I'm applying for foodservice, retail, secretarial and even janitorial work. I do not care, I will have a job and I will make Benjamins. I will have lots of green $20 bills wafting around like bees in my hive. All the monies will belong to me!!! And I will share, I will make so many delicious dinners for my friends with all that dough and it will be delicious because it will be MY money that I EARNED.
I am rampant, courageous and foaming at the mouth with inspiration, motivation and happiness.
I also vow to be more responsible with all that green coming my way. I will not go to the bars and spend $60 every Friday on drinks for myself and the masses- no, sirree. I will not frivolously spend $350 on groceries- actually, that's probably the first thing I will do. I retract that statement and I fully intend to spend ridiculous amounts of money on delicious food to cook for everyone. But I will not buy cigarettes- they are too costly and bad for me. I will not spend money on my own demise.
I will buy more herbs to smoke- like mullein and coltsfoot, damiana and lobelia. I have done much research on delicious herbs that you can smoke and actually heal the damage done to your lungs from years of smoking... More on that later, it's a blog all unto itself.
I am realizing that this entry is now very long, it would be superfluous were it not for my love of dynamic language. Take that, short-hand! I will express myself fully and care not who reads my dribble. I am writing this for me, not you.
Acting in one's own best interest is not selfish, it is smart. Being a doormat and giving everything for others who could care less is a sin that I intend to wash away. I will still be kind, gracious, helpful, grateful and generous, but I will no longer be stupid.
Ok, I'm done now.
Lots of love for everyone! :)
