I feel great! About two weeks ago I started doing ab workouts. Some of you may think, "But why? You are so skinny! Why would you ever think you have a pooch?" Well, I do have a pooch. It's right there between my abdomen and my secret spots and I don't like it at all. When you are used to having the flattest and strongest tummy in the neighborhood, any little bit of flub is abhorrent; truly grotesque and absolutely out of place- the paunch must go! If you were used to being like a telephone pole, and then realized you looked more like a phone booth in the middle- all weirdly sticking out of place, you'd be offended too.
Two weeks ago I got completely fed up and got off my ass to change this parasitic growth in my mid-section. When I get out of bed, I do 25 crunches and then 10 leg lifts, every other day I do 25 crunches, 10 leg-lifts, then another 25 crunches, another 10 leg lifts and finish it all of with- yep, 25 more crunches. That's 95 thingies.
I am inching my way to a flatter belly and it feels goooooood, and painful. But it is gooooooood pain, it's all that flubby foreign blubber melting away. I was so sore this morning, but then I took a long bath with epsom salts and now I am Wonder Woman and I can take on the entire world! All of you, come get it, I'm on FIRE!
In other news, I am very productive. Because I need some medical work, but have no job or money I have been cutting through red tape with the ferocity of a wolverine in heat. Snip! Snap! Watch the Red Tape of government funding flitter away like so many ribbons in the wind- it's a beautiful sight.
I have also gotten thoroughly sick of not having a job... Straight up ill. I have been patient, I have felt oh so sorry for myself and let my friends coddle me against my better judgement. "Oh! The economy is so hard! It's a rough market out there! It's not your fault!" LIARS!
It is completely my fault. 100% my fault for letting all this bullshit economy get to me and allowing myself to wallow in freakish self-pity for an entire winter (I do have to admit that the winter blues are very real to my desert-sunshine soul). BOO on me! Boo! Three Years Ago Me would not have let such a piddly thing as a rock-bottom economy get in my way.
I shove my middle finger in the face of adversity... Fuck you adversity! You're my bitch! I will not take no for an answer, I am applying for every job with a vengeance! I'm applying for foodservice, retail, secretarial and even janitorial work. I do not care, I will have a job and I will make Benjamins. I will have lots of green $20 bills wafting around like bees in my hive. All the monies will belong to me!!! And I will share, I will make so many delicious dinners for my friends with all that dough and it will be delicious because it will be MY money that I EARNED.
I am rampant, courageous and foaming at the mouth with inspiration, motivation and happiness.
I also vow to be more responsible with all that green coming my way. I will not go to the bars and spend $60 every Friday on drinks for myself and the masses- no, sirree. I will not frivolously spend $350 on groceries- actually, that's probably the first thing I will do. I retract that statement and I fully intend to spend ridiculous amounts of money on delicious food to cook for everyone. But I will not buy cigarettes- they are too costly and bad for me. I will not spend money on my own demise.
I will buy more herbs to smoke- like mullein and coltsfoot, damiana and lobelia. I have done much research on delicious herbs that you can smoke and actually heal the damage done to your lungs from years of smoking... More on that later, it's a blog all unto itself.
I am realizing that this entry is now very long, it would be superfluous were it not for my love of dynamic language. Take that, short-hand! I will express myself fully and care not who reads my dribble. I am writing this for me, not you.
Acting in one's own best interest is not selfish, it is smart. Being a doormat and giving everything for others who could care less is a sin that I intend to wash away. I will still be kind, gracious, helpful, grateful and generous, but I will no longer be stupid.
Ok, I'm done now.
Lots of love for everyone! :)
You go girl. You know I am all for working out and being more physical even if it is to look even more awesome in a Wonder Woman get up. And what the hell is a Benjamin?
ReplyDeleteYou do have the right attitude, and I applaud it. Your reality really is what you make it. You can sit around and be miserable with the conditions - whatever they may be - or you can do what you can do and see the joy that is all around you with the same conditions. It is a choice. Some days, you have to make the choice to just sleep most of the day, but most days get out there and do something to make your world better. Good for you!
Oh, and please make sure you spend $350 on healthy food as well as yummy food! Luv you!
"I have been cutting through red tape with the ferocity of a wolverine in heat. Snip! Snap! Watch the Red Tape of government funding flitter away like so many ribbons in the wind- it's a beautiful sight."
ReplyDeletewin!