Awhile ago I took this picture of a chalk drawing on the sidewalk. I liked it because it reminded me of a pretend television set. Did you ever pretend to watch tv as a child? I did, mostly when I was out and about at rainbow gatherings or somehow else out in the wilderness. This chalk drawing reminded me of when I used to pretend to watch television as a child....

I feel a little like that right now; like I'm trying to do something that doesn't need to be done and know it, but everybody else does so I should too.

I wonder sometimes about the necessity of, "getting along." Sometimes I try to get along with someone so hard that eventually it all blows up in my face and I feel I should have just told them to, "fuck off" to begin with... But everyone else seems to be alright with it, so I feel like I should too... until I get this knot in my stomach and it makes me cry and feel sad for weeks. I get hit by lightening bolts of rage that lead to vivid fantasies of someone not getting blown to bits. Every time I try to imagine gross harm afflicting someone ... I can't go through with it, even in my head, even if they're really really vile. Instead I stop it all and just hope that they find whatever it is that will allow them to be nice to people... and write blogs like this.