written: 10.22.08
It’s been dark for so long that I cannot recall what is light.
I am comfortable.
I am unconscious.
Everything I thought I knew is dissipating with the wind I feel outside… so far away from here and yet so close. I am one with a darkness unending, knowing not where it and I separate; in this carapace I am free! I know that I am a prisoner of mine own devices, but I am warm, so warm.
Womblike for an eternity, secure in my solitude, I am God in my sensory deprivation…
Solace is All, until it is all you know; at which point one must grow.
I am barraged by a single sliver of luminescence. It gores my soul and I know not where to hide, for wherever I move I am trapped utterly within a gossamer shell. Seized by involuntary spasms I jolt from within, thunder in my gut wrestling my blinded mind.
I must escape the light!
Turning my weight, I crash behind myself and the light drives me.
It drives me mad.
This one sole enemy is instantaneously transformed into my dearest wish.
I must embrace the light.
Panicking, I convulse. Everything I have ever been- that which I do not recall floods my being in pure unadulterated drive… To breathe the sun once again is more than I can comprehend, and with one last jolt into true consciousness I am thrown into momentarily infinite darkness, before plunging into wild photogasm.
The world is effervescent.
The world… I had forgotten.
Overtaken by the exquisite softness of green and massaging waves of solar benignity, I stay. I thrive and spin emitting olfactory nectars of potent grace in thanks to the brilliance which arrested my soul from dark dubious delight. I dance of primal bodhisattva gratitude to be here and in this moment alive.
Joined by another of my kind, we scintillate toward eachother until we become mandala. Complete unity and biorhythms synchronize to every pulse in creation until separate once more, we fall into the air.
My wings spread out into two dimensional fractals swimming between opposing gales of air and I am carried away into the endless blue. My mate, my lover is forgotten; as the sun and moon borne to different destinies.
I care not.
I have a purpose.
I fly.
I make love to the wind as it gently caresses my body and buffets my flight into rolling delirious fancy. I sink into the sunrise to rest upon a leaf atop a fervent tree. The feel is crushed velvet, the scent, intoxicating. I lay to rest my impulse, my bliss, and my future. Waking to moonlight, I seek the sun once more.
Beneath Luna’s silvery sheen I see ghosts, shadows of the trees and fields and flowers I once knew. The air becomes thick, static with unknown forces of primordial power. Flashes of light in the darkness akin to the sliver of brilliance that jolted my being into existence frighten my souls’ livery. The dampness in the air is stagnant and feels of death.
My survival is teetering on the edge of a vast precipice.
My sanity is failing.
My will is resolute.
I fly.
I fly against the tempestuous current, in-between lakes of water falling from that once sweet refuge of solar delight.
On through the chaos I chase the day glimmering in the distance. Closer I get, drunk on the promise of arid brightness; this one sweet spot of heavenly refuge, a shelter from the storm hidden under artificial canopy, alien, but welcome.
Welcome to familiar shapes coalescing in vibrant blue, electric like the clouds above.
It is only as I fly too close that I know the danger, feel the flame of radiant demise. But I have flown too far and cannot help the hunger for the light that lit my life and as I careen willfully into bright oblivion… I burn.
I burn wholeheartedly with a life short-lived, yet filled magnanimously with unyielding bliss. I surrender resolutely to the crackle of radiant instinct and I am borne away into light and darkness once more.
The seduction of man births me to otherworldly brilliance. But my children will rise as I, come spring, borne with a wild attraction to divine luminosity and blessed with the will to propagate gossamer dreams… if only for a moment.
-Life story of a Lunar Moth
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